April 2011
1 post
2 tags
Every time I hit the ground, I bounce up like...
8.3
Caprese Style Chicken
South Beach Living (Kraft)
I’ll just put this in the most blunt terms possible: I succumbed to an irresistible urge to listen to Snow Patrol’s Final Straw. Was I looking to put the finishing touches on the seduction of the sort of traditionally attractive woman who attended a large state university and is entry-level alt enough for my tastes? If it was,...
March 2011
2 posts
2 tags
After years of waiting, nothing came
8.9
Cheese Pizza
Ellio’s (McCain)
I often see the terms “singer-songwriter” and “introspective” used in tandem, and the problem with both of them is that “being it” is often conflated with “being good at it.” Particularly the latter one- the way I’ve been trying to take inventory of my teen years as someone who’s inching ever...
2 tags
Now that I'm sober you ain't that fine
7.2
Macaroni and Cheese
Simple Favorites (Lean Cuisine/Nestlé)
Here’s a couple things I’m not
Caught up in politics
A black activist
On some so-called scholar’s dick
Now that we’ve gotten all that mess out of the way, I will cop to being caught in a deadly video game with just one man. That’s about where the similarities between GZA and myself end, unless he...
January 2011
8 posts
3 tags
Our life is not a movie or maybe
5.6
Chicken & Parmesan Pasta Bake
Farmers’ Harvest (Stouffer’s/Nestlé)
If there’s any downside to having spent the past two weeks moving to Los Feliz other than the fact that I’m going to miss that bathroom heater in my old place more than I ever expected (it’s 46 degrees this morning! 46!), it’s that I no longer live within walking distance to the...
1 tag
I ain't no politician, but I'll kick it with 'em a...
5.2
Roasted Turkey With Bacon & Cheese
Pretzel Bread Sandwiches (Lean Pockets/Nestlé)
I dunno, did anyone else find Decoded to be a little self-aggrandizing? Now, this is the point where you’ll probably tell me that that I was let down because I expected too much, but fuck outta here: do I look like a member of the Gin Blossoms? Out of respect for fallen soldier Doug Hopkins’...
4 tags
This right here is my swag
6.2
Tortilla Crusted Fish
Cafe Cuisine (Lean Cuisine/Nestlé)
Like my mans an ‘em at FreeDarko, I really do believe in the idea of free agency in picking which teams you root for, but even if I wasn’t repping the 610 like Genuardi’s and Fingers, Wings and Other Things, I’d still be an Eagles fan for other reasons beyond being the hometown team and responsible for...
5 tags
Used to play basketball, then we started drinkin'
9.7
Pot Pie Express
Hot Pockets (Nestlé - 2003)
The mere fact that I maintain a website that posts longform reviews of frozen foods shouldn’t have me trying to figure out other reasons why my parents might be disappointed in me. Nonetheless, I always wonder if they feel like failures for never experiencing the absolute most crucial moment in raising a teenage boy: finding his porn and...
6 tags
I Got More At Stake Than Philly
7.3
Philly Steak & Cheese
Lean Pockets (Nestlé)
I need to stop telling people I grew up in Philadelphia. It’s not only untrue (Lafayette Hill is a suburb about a half hour removed and often best known for its relative proximity to certain malls), but it gives people the impression that I have even the slightest iota of advice to give them about what to do if they happen to be there....
4 tags
Ballin' Like I'm Bo Diddley
4.3
Roasted Carved Turkey
Hungry-Man XXL (Swanson)
Rick Ross didn’t invent creating an utterly ridiculous hip-hop persona, or, to be more blunt, flat-out lying on wax.
First off, having spaghetti and fettucine in the same meal is what you do when you’re broke as fuck, not balling out of control. I consider How You Luv That, Vol. 2 an unimpeachable document of truth-telling, with the exception...
4 tags
Peel all of your layers off, I wanna eat your...
7.5
Spinach Artichoke Chicken
Lean Pockets (Nestlé)
Yo.
You might know me from some your favorite music recommendation websites/mags, but chances are if you’re here, you might remember Sexy Results!, the go-to publication for hard-hitting coverage of Frozen Food Power Rankings, comparing college football programs to rappers and all manner of casual misogyny that predicted the creation of...
More than likely, I'm the nicest you've heard of
sup. Yeah, it doesn’t have the flawless design and gravitas of Sexy Results! or even Wasakalidoscope (for the O.G.’s), but I guess it’ll do. Anyways, the name of this tumblr is a pretty good indication of what you can expect: it’s a DipSet reference, an invocation of the fact that we’re going to be rating frozen food products, and also an allusion to my initials. If there was a way to also...
